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Tuesday, December 23, 2003

ROCK 'EM SOCK 'EM ROCKERS 

Since so many of you have come to rely on Spitbull to keep you abreast of the news, we thought we'd give you a head start on a story you'll probably read or hear about sometime today:
Jack White is expected to turn himself in to police on Tuesday to be arraigned on a charge of aggravated assault, according to Detroit police.

The charge stems from a fight that took place December 13 between the White Stripes frontman and Jason Stollsteimer, singer for the garage rock band the Von Bondies (see "Jack White Brawls With Fellow Garage Rocker At Detroit Club"). After talking to nine witnesses who were at the Detroit rock club the Magic Stick, where the incident took place, the Wayne County prosecutor determined on Monday (December 22) that White attacked Stollsteimer and the Von Bondies frontman didn't fight back, a spokesperson at the prosecutor's office said.

White will be charged with aggravated assault because of the severity of the beating. Aggravated assault is more serious than simple assault, and can include assault with a deadly weapon, or assault with intent to rape, maim or murder. Stollsteimer's right eye was badly bruised and swollen shut, his nose was swollen and bloody and his forehead was bruised.

According to witnesses, White had tried to speak with Stollsteimer, then became enraged when he was ignored, so he spat in Stollsteimer's face, threw him to the ground and repeatedly punched his eye and nose until witnesses separated them, the spokesperson said.

White has been given the opportunity to turn himself in for booking, after which a court date will be set. If he doesn't show, Detroit police will issue a non-in-custody warrant for his arrest.

If convicted, White could face up to a year in jail, but the spokesperson for the prosecution said that since he has no criminal history, he would likely just be served with probation.

The night of the brawl, Stollsteimer filed a complaint against White, who filed a cross-complaint, saying he didn't start the fight and was defending himself against the Von Bondies singer.

A spokesperson for White was not available for comment.
It's refreshing to see a rock star run afoul of the law for something manly like getting into a fistfight with another rock star, rather than, say, diddling a cancer boy.

Assuming both count as rock stars. Jack White does, I think it's safe to say, but Jason Stollsteimer? The Von Bondies? I've never heard of them. So I checked them out on amazon.com, and their 2001 album Lack of Communication appears to rawk. And Sire Records has built them a fancy shmancy website to promote their new, not-yet-released album Pawn Shoppe Heart, which is star-like treatment (though pretty minimally so, given that these days everyone and his brother has a website, literally so in my case). So I guess Stollsteimer qualifies as a rock star too. Especially now that Jack White has kicked his ass.

Which makes me wonder: is this whole imbroglio just a publicity stunt to generate buzz for the Von Bondies' new album? And what is this very post that you are now reading but an ad for the Von Bondies? Damn you, record company weasels! The least you could do is send me a check.

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