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Saturday, April 03, 2004

FUN WITH JUNK MAIL 

Here's the opening of an extremely exclusive offer I received in the mail today:
Dear Friend,

On Saturday - April 10th, from 2:00 PM to 5:00 PM, (preview begins at 1:00 PM), F.F.F. Corp. Auctions will preside over a Spectacular Auction of a Prominent Attorney at Law due to a divorce.
Now, I've known a lot of attorneys in my life, I'm the son of one, I'm married to another (no divorce on the horizon, but see infra)--hell, I even was one myself for two largely miserable but loan-retiring years. But never before have I had the chance to buy one. And I figure, everybody hates lawyers, right? So how much can one cost?

This is one hell of an opportunity! Just think of all the stuff around the house I could get him to do! I've got to clean the gutters and rake the yard and organize the garage and wash the car and hang those damn pictures--there's no end, really. A bag of Purina Shyster Chow and a choke collar and I'm in business!

And a "Prominent" one to boot! I wonder who it is? Please, God, let it be him!

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