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Saturday, April 03, 2004

SPREADIN' THE LOVE. ER, LUST. 

If you're not already reading Functional Ambivalent's Sex Day feature every Friday, yesterday's installment is a great place to start. The topic this week is orgasm denial. Here's a teaser, as it were:
At very young ages, women understand that they have power over the entire universe, because they have the power of orgasm denial. By carefully manipulating that power, women have caused whole industries to spring up, most of which exist for the sake of women. I would argue, for example, that without orgasm denial there would not be poetry, diamond mines, or deodorant. If orgasm had never been denied, mankind would still live in caves, because the thought of building a house never occurred to men until women started refusing to have sex on cave floors.

“Here on the cold, damp cave floor? I don’t think so.”

Two days after that was first said, the first charming cottage had been built and furnished with a four-poster bed and adorable quilts.
It turns out that a curious new phenomenon has emerged involving men who actually pay women not to give them orgasms, rather than relying on the tried-and-true method of paying an expensive restaurant for the honor. Are there no depths to which the deviants of the modern world will not sink?

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