Monday, January 26, 2004


Spitbull missed the annual New Year's resolution posting bandwagon (instead, we banged on a pot, pathetically). But we're sure as hell not going to miss this end of January finger waggling opportunity to scold all of the resolution-breakers and otherwise demonstrate our moral superiority.

Let's see: failure to get organized, failure to spend more time with the family, failure to lose weight, failure to drink/smoke less, failure to run 50,000 miles. There are so many guilt opportunities to choose from we're dazzled frankly. But since I believe in short posts we'll choose only one failure (for now). Eeny meeny miny FAT.

Here goes.

So you didn't lose that 5, 10, 50 pounds you had unreasonably hoped would disappear in the new year? Are you getting humiliating invitations by mail from Rosie O'Donnell's Chub Club? Have you tried all the au courant fad diets: Atkins, Beverly Hills, Cabbage Soup, Herbalife, Jenny Craig, South Beach (James Lileks predicts his North Shore diet--hot dish and walleye intestines--will be all the rage next year), Subway, Weight Watchers, Zone, even desperately dabblied in some of those discredited weight loss plans? Still suffering fat trauma?

Well we're prententious enough here at Spitbull to bring a *literary* solution to your overwrought, overweight, attention:
When I have a longing for something myself, do you know what I do? I cram myself chockful of it, and so I get rid of it and don't think about it any longer. Or, if I do, it makes me retch.
Advises Zorba The Greek as penned by Cretan (truly) Nikos Kazantzakis. Think Zorba's full of shit? Put off by his carpe diem philosophy? You misguided puritan you! The interestingly named Morgan Spurlock took the bullet for you and forced himself to eat three meals a day for 30 days at McDonalds for his documentary "Super Size Me." (hat tip: GeekPress). Within a few days of beginning his diet, he was "vomiting out the window of his car" in true Zorba fashion. Not surprisingly, he's steered clear of the food since.
The fat hogs! grumbled Zorba. "They're even going to make something out of this!"


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