Tuesday, September 07, 2004


Obviously, I should have been able to predict this, but I've been shocked by the effort, not to mention the battles, involved in grooming small kids. Small girl kids. They don't groom themselves you know. Well, sometimes they do, but the results are rarely the stuff of advertising fantasy.

I console myself with the thought that most kid outfits convey a clear message: "I do it myself!" This is how I rationalized my eldest's choice to wear duck boots, a tutu (over her jumper) and bunny ears on an outing to the furniture store many years ago. See! When well-rested, I too can scare up a sense of humor.

I've long since capitulated on the clothing battles. I do my best on the nails upkeep. But the hair! The three year old has unfortunately gotten the impression that girl hair can easily be shaped into elaborate and fantastic sculptures that enhance her appearance (the seven year old knows better). I blame her day care teacher and family (in particular, one of her aunts--you know who you are) who occasionally show off with amazing displays of kid hair art. So deluded, the three year old looks to me for the same treatment. I look to Dave Barry, groomer of a four year old daughter, who recently admitted his ponytailing technique wasn't up to snuff: "It looks like it's from a cubist pony whose tail grows out of the side of its butt."

He's right. It does. Even a three year old can tell.

(Credit: Newmark's Door)


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