Monday, April 25, 2005
VAGUE SMUGNESS INCREASED 81% LAST YEAR
Sales of Hummers, the car of choice for "scumbags"(according to Dayton), declined sharply.
This free market vote should console Dayton for the low turnout at his Earth day talk last year--which became the subject of a baffling and pathetic Earth Day column in our local paper last Friday. Despite the energetic organizer who offered free cookies, "plastered the announcements all over the small college campus," and finally cajoled six of her friends to attend, the poor guy got only twelve takers.
I'm not a big fan of Hummers (especially when I'm behind one). Although I think hybrids aren't ready for prime time (are you going to scrap the car or pony up for a new battery when it dies?), I'm intrigued by all new technology. But sentiments such as Dayton's make me itch to go out and get me a Hummer:
It rolled into the parking lot, top lights lit, and the lights continued to burn as the tall young driver sauntered toward the student union.and keep its lights burning forever.
You scumbag, I thought. You are the epitome of the problem. How can you drive this monument to American arrogance, this fuel-devouring war machine? Does it make you feel powerful? Why not volunteer for the Army and drive a real Hummer in Fallujah? Did your Daddy give you this? There's no way you paid for it. Does it help you pick up girls? You probably get gentleman's C's and are just marking time till you can take over Daddy's business. Jerk!
9 Comments:
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