Friday, April 30, 2004
TWISTED TITLE #22
This week's incorrect children's book title:
How To Buy Friends With Your Sister's UnderwearTo see last week's title, click here.
Thursday, April 29, 2004
FLAGGING INTEREST
The designer of the new placeholder flag for Iraq says he was just trying for a nice flag like Canada's. The Elder of Fraters Libertas calls the result "wussy." Allahpundit has thoughtfully photoshopped some alternatives.
As the self-appoint blogosphere killjoy it seems to me the Iraqi Governing Council, who approved the flag's design, has a few more pressing issues on its agenda.
As the self-appoint blogosphere killjoy it seems to me the Iraqi Governing Council, who approved the flag's design, has a few more pressing issues on its agenda.
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
NEXT UP: A LIBERAL ALTERNATIVE TO HOLLYWOOD
The battle to ensure equal time for the liberal viewpoint has moved from the media to the law. First Air America Radio hit the airwaves, now the American Constitution Society has hit law school campuses with a mission to "protect liberal thinking." (Credit: Per Curiam) Again, there's a race to claim the position of underdog:
Greg of Per Curiam considers the charge that the right has dominated law schools for more than 20 years with has "profound influence" and tries to be sympathetic: "Just this year, Harvard Law doubled the number of right-of-center professors on its campus by hiring John Manning. "
My advice to the ACS: Pay your bills first. Sue later.
Organizers from the Federalist Society said the reason they formed was to counter the dominant left. But the American Constitution Society says it formed to challenge the ascending right.I attended one of the most conservative law schools in the country. Perhaps the ACS could have been useful there. But my sense as a practicing attorney is that lawyers are far more likely to be liberal than conservative. And their liberal views did not erupt spontaneously after they graduated from law school.
Greg of Per Curiam considers the charge that the right has dominated law schools for more than 20 years with has "profound influence" and tries to be sympathetic: "Just this year, Harvard Law doubled the number of right-of-center professors on its campus by hiring John Manning. "
My advice to the ACS: Pay your bills first. Sue later.
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
I LIVE WITH A 36-POUND GORILLA
Somehow I got on the mailing list for Parenting magazine. Perhaps someone I once offended cruelly purchased a retaliatory subscription in my name--I sure as hell did not. Yet it appears in my mailbox, bearing my name, once a month. Why? Why?
Articles entitled "How being a mom changes you--down to your soul" (May 2004 issue) have the same effect on me as the intrathecal morphine shot I got during labor (translation for you lucky birth virgins: creepy skin & barfing). "Easy strategies for Potty-training success!," another offering from the issue, also threatens a migraine. My three-year-old could write the book on how to turn your parents into hyperventilating stuttering red-faced fools. Simply announce "I have to go potty" and then immediately become extravagantly distracted from said goal.
She makes her announcement, instantly halting all adult conversation, then suddenly feels moved to arrange her stuffed creatures just so. A Jihad against her older sister for playing with a newly-treasured toy develops. Parental intervention is attempted ("potty!"). She literally shuffles her feet as she reluctantly heads in the general direction of the bathroom ("hurry!"). She breaks rank to come and scold us for yelling. Disaster ensues. Ultimately resulting in alcoholism.
At times like this sites such as this can be very soothing (misery, meet company):
Articles entitled "How being a mom changes you--down to your soul" (May 2004 issue) have the same effect on me as the intrathecal morphine shot I got during labor (translation for you lucky birth virgins: creepy skin & barfing). "Easy strategies for Potty-training success!," another offering from the issue, also threatens a migraine. My three-year-old could write the book on how to turn your parents into hyperventilating stuttering red-faced fools. Simply announce "I have to go potty" and then immediately become extravagantly distracted from said goal.
She makes her announcement, instantly halting all adult conversation, then suddenly feels moved to arrange her stuffed creatures just so. A Jihad against her older sister for playing with a newly-treasured toy develops. Parental intervention is attempted ("potty!"). She literally shuffles her feet as she reluctantly heads in the general direction of the bathroom ("hurry!"). She breaks rank to come and scold us for yelling. Disaster ensues. Ultimately resulting in alcoholism.
At times like this sites such as this can be very soothing (misery, meet company):
If I had to come up with one word to describe toddlers, it would be this: "relentless." From the moment Cordelia is up, she goes. And goes and goes and goes, at full speed, and when she gets exhausted, she doesn't slow down, she just explodes into furious, screaming rage that is even faster and more energetic. And, if at any time during this process, you attempt to defy her by, say, making her wear pants, she will throw a book at your head.Scientific confirmation of youngsterian evil is even more comforting. A Canadian researcher has concluded that Saint Augustine had it right (credit Futurepundit); human viciousness peaks in toddlers (a paraphrase, admittedly):
The science says that there is no difference between the baby who snatches a toy from another child, and the burglar who fights you when you catch him stealing your television. "It is exactly the same behaviour," Dr. Tremblay suggests. "It is just done by a bigger gorilla."Our gorilla may not weigh much, but she's well versed in mental cruelty.
GRAPELEXIA
Unmoved by The Elder's anti-Star Tribune campaign, I still read the paper. Or at least scan the headlines. Today I was intrigued by this one:
Pause. Sip. Egad! Pre-coffee visual dyslexia strikes again. Too sleepy to see straight but not too sleepy to spin out inane trains of thought based on faulty input.
Wonder if Princeton's move will prompt King to update his ongoing series of posts on the information value of grapes.
Princeton Approves Grape-Rationing PlanHmmm, I thought. Didn't know there was a grape shortage out east. Could become a problem here too. Good thing the kids have started eating cantaloupe.
Pause. Sip. Egad! Pre-coffee visual dyslexia strikes again. Too sleepy to see straight but not too sleepy to spin out inane trains of thought based on faulty input.
Wonder if Princeton's move will prompt King to update his ongoing series of posts on the information value of grapes.
Friday, April 23, 2004
NORTHERN ALLIANCE RADIO: MINUTES WITHOUT WORDS
The founder of Earth Day (I think Earth Day was sometime this week but I quickly flipped past any cleanup headlines so missed the festivity details) has a suggestion (one of many) that seems tailor-made for the Northern Alliance Radio Network (credit: An Inclination to Criticize):
74. That radio stations and TV need to program one or more daily Earth Minutes - at 0300, 1100 or 1900 GMT*. These simultaneous global "minutes without words" can be produced independently by any radio or TV station, with views and sounds of nature, children, music, bells, our planet;They always have so much trouble with the bumpers anyway--just use some sounds of the boys' fisticuffs instead! Brilliant!
TWISTED TITLE #21
This week's incorrect children's book title:
Let's All Jump on the Kid in the Wheel ChairTo see last week's title, click here.
Thursday, April 22, 2004
THREAT LEVEL RAISED TO: BLACK AND FEATHERY
Via Captain Ed, I learn that crows shorting out transformers highlight (or constitute?) a new terrorist threat. (Over the last 10 days they were responsible for three power failures at LAX).
Yet another reason to realize the Warrior Monk was prescient in his squirrel vendetta. I guess they don't call him a "warrior" for nothing.
Yet another reason to realize the Warrior Monk was prescient in his squirrel vendetta. I guess they don't call him a "warrior" for nothing.
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
HAPPY MOVABLE PROCRASTINATION
All the big blog boys have comments ... and trolls and spammers and dumbasses (all of which they spend untold hours deleting).
Roger L. Simon says he's gonna start charging commenters (Stephen Green of VodkaPundit is willing to pay to play). Dustbury helpfully notes that charging for comments may be more feasible when version 3 of Moveable Type is released and kindly adds "there are a few people who visit here whom I'd gladly pay if I thought it might increase their participation."
Spitbull? We're just happy to learn there's a new unreleased version of Movable Type we can point to, shake our heads, and mutter "we certainly can't move this blog to Movable Type until those absolutely must-have features are released." (Assuming our blog still exists then). We like to call it "Movable (Feature Target) Type."
We have an idea to keep the game going: add a feature to allow free commenting passes for the Dustbury-favored folks (the plebians must pay). Result: Roger L. Simon would be happy, Stephen Green would be happy (I imagine he might rate a free pass) and Dustbury would be happy (if he really wants to, he can pay the pass-holders too). Most important, adding this feature would surely buy Spitbull another six months or so of featurecreep-blaming procrastination.
Roger L. Simon says he's gonna start charging commenters (Stephen Green of VodkaPundit is willing to pay to play). Dustbury helpfully notes that charging for comments may be more feasible when version 3 of Moveable Type is released and kindly adds "there are a few people who visit here whom I'd gladly pay if I thought it might increase their participation."
Spitbull? We're just happy to learn there's a new unreleased version of Movable Type we can point to, shake our heads, and mutter "we certainly can't move this blog to Movable Type until those absolutely must-have features are released." (Assuming our blog still exists then). We like to call it "Movable (Feature Target) Type."
We have an idea to keep the game going: add a feature to allow free commenting passes for the Dustbury-favored folks (the plebians must pay). Result: Roger L. Simon would be happy, Stephen Green would be happy (I imagine he might rate a free pass) and Dustbury would be happy (if he really wants to, he can pay the pass-holders too). Most important, adding this feature would surely buy Spitbull another six months or so of featurecreep-blaming procrastination.
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
NEW BLOGGING SECRET: WE'LL JUST KEEP POSTING "WATERMELON, RUTABAGA" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't know whether Al Franken's Air America Radio experiment has gotten funny yet, but I'm enjoying the blogcommentary it has inspired:
Asymmetrical Information: [T]he New York station had Garofalo on both delay and live. Imagine a room full of college protesters saying "hubris, lies, arrogant" over and over again ('watermelon, rutabaga'). It ranked right up there with dental surgery, but it kept me awake, and I guess I just wanted to see how long they'd go.Admittedly, all but the first of these dates from Air America's launch (the first is what set me off to wander the blogosphere for more gems). What does it mean that I found little recent stuff (other than bouncing checks)? Or that I have only links, no witty commentary of my own to add to the mix? (Walla, walla ....)
Wonkette: What we've heard so far: Franken and Katherine Lanpher totally cracking each other up. Tough crowd.
Bunsen: I'm starting to contemplate the important metaphysical questions, such as "Could I possibly be more bored right now? Like, maybe if I found a can of paint and left it in that can in its liquid form and stared at the paint in the can, while listening to a CD of whale songs, would I actually achieve a higher plane of boredom?"
protein wisdom: Frankenfreude \fran-KEN-froy-duh\ ; n.: A salicious satisfaction in the misfortune of self-important and unfunny leftys.
Monday, April 19, 2004
TRANSFORMERS ON FIRE!
James Lileks talks about the weather (we actually have weather here, unlike Los Angeles, and the inoffensiveness of the topic makes it a local specialty).
Plus, we had a storm here last night. Eagerly anticipated by all, but no doubt even more so by our local weather folks who got to pre-empt all local programming (The Simpsons snuck through but even they got boxed in by a crawl ticking down watches and warnings). Sadly for some there was little in the way of spectacular damage to parade in front of the viewers so what we mostly got was footage of a transformer fire somewhere. From every angle. But how many shots of one transformer can a station run? Even with the creative camera angles, it gets silly amazingly quickly.
Now I'm as much a fan of transformer fires as the next gal. We have a transformer on the corner and about every other year some squirrel meets its untimely end (much to the Warrior Monk's delight) and our electricity cuts out. But re-running the footage every ten minutes? Even if it included flying squirrel bodies, I think even the W. Monk would get bored after a few viewings. But the station disagreed.
I'm not dissing my fair city now; the silly coverage is a function of weather, not Midwestern hickiness. When the Big Apple had a hurricane wander up the coast and then fizzle out back in the 1980's, the weather folk out there all clustered around a broken window on Madison Avenue. They were probably wishing some transformer would catch on fire.
We're so lucky!
Plus, we had a storm here last night. Eagerly anticipated by all, but no doubt even more so by our local weather folks who got to pre-empt all local programming (The Simpsons snuck through but even they got boxed in by a crawl ticking down watches and warnings). Sadly for some there was little in the way of spectacular damage to parade in front of the viewers so what we mostly got was footage of a transformer fire somewhere. From every angle. But how many shots of one transformer can a station run? Even with the creative camera angles, it gets silly amazingly quickly.
Now I'm as much a fan of transformer fires as the next gal. We have a transformer on the corner and about every other year some squirrel meets its untimely end (much to the Warrior Monk's delight) and our electricity cuts out. But re-running the footage every ten minutes? Even if it included flying squirrel bodies, I think even the W. Monk would get bored after a few viewings. But the station disagreed.
I'm not dissing my fair city now; the silly coverage is a function of weather, not Midwestern hickiness. When the Big Apple had a hurricane wander up the coast and then fizzle out back in the 1980's, the weather folk out there all clustered around a broken window on Madison Avenue. They were probably wishing some transformer would catch on fire.
We're so lucky!
Friday, April 16, 2004
JUST FOOLIN'
I had no idea guys fake it for other guys too.
J.B. Doubtless of Fraters Libertas today recounts how he aped "some garbage I heard on Sportscenter" in order to score an "interesting night of conversation with the guy and the bartender about all sorts of interesting topics." (Was it the San Francisco air that so inspired him?)
Years ago, I was astonished to find how easy it is to fake it (conversationally as opposed to the conventional gal-faking-it-methodology) where men are concerned.
For one basketball season I actually read the sports pages (all I could stomach; I haven't done it since). Seated next to a guy I hadn't met before at a friend's wedding I proceeded to (using J.B.'s nomenclature) "ape the garbage." It was kind of pathetic to see how quickly his eyes lit up. A woman who speaks sports fluently (note to the one or two women who visit this blog: reading the sports page from the newspaper is all it takes to achieve sports fluency)! Approximately the right age and not too ugly! I swear he might have proposed right then and there had I not confessed. Hey Warrior Monk: is this trick a form of orgasm denial?
J.B. Doubtless of Fraters Libertas today recounts how he aped "some garbage I heard on Sportscenter" in order to score an "interesting night of conversation with the guy and the bartender about all sorts of interesting topics." (Was it the San Francisco air that so inspired him?)
Years ago, I was astonished to find how easy it is to fake it (conversationally as opposed to the conventional gal-faking-it-methodology) where men are concerned.
For one basketball season I actually read the sports pages (all I could stomach; I haven't done it since). Seated next to a guy I hadn't met before at a friend's wedding I proceeded to (using J.B.'s nomenclature) "ape the garbage." It was kind of pathetic to see how quickly his eyes lit up. A woman who speaks sports fluently (note to the one or two women who visit this blog: reading the sports page from the newspaper is all it takes to achieve sports fluency)! Approximately the right age and not too ugly! I swear he might have proposed right then and there had I not confessed. Hey Warrior Monk: is this trick a form of orgasm denial?
TWISTED TITLE #20
This week's demented children's book title:
E.T. is Lumpy, Stupid and Ugly and Never Made It HomeTo see last week's title, click here.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?
One of our favorite media outlets once reported a tenth circle of hell had finally been constructed to contain them:
In January a Massachusetts Institute of Technology survey found that the cell phone ranked first among inventions Americans hate (but can’t live without). Now, via Geekpress, there's a study that tells us why: overhearing just half of a conversation is annoying (and it's worse if the half you hear is really loud).
... vast hordes of pony-tailed entertainment-industry executives rollerblading and talking on miniaturized cell-phones at the same time. But now, we've finally got the sort of top-notch Pits of Doom necessary to give such repellent abominations the quality boilings they deserve.At first I thought it was the pony-tails but through superior logic I have determined it's really the cell phones that earn one's place in the underworld.
In January a Massachusetts Institute of Technology survey found that the cell phone ranked first among inventions Americans hate (but can’t live without). Now, via Geekpress, there's a study that tells us why: overhearing just half of a conversation is annoying (and it's worse if the half you hear is really loud).
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
WE NOW HAVE A MOTTO: A SMALL PORTION OF THE CRAP THAT'S FIT TO BLOG
So The Elder of Fraters Libertas has recommended using our site as an alternative to the local paper?
Hmmm. Must be he is impressed by the Warrior Monk's porno-crayon insights and my insult expose, cribbed from other sources. Or maybe with the dead celebrity commentary, exciting travel ideas, biting business analysis, music criticism and news he has come to expect from this site. Plus, let's not forget the sports! (We even have had personal ads, sort of).
I kid, of course. The truth is that he's relieved that after careful and delicate negotiations we agreed not to embarrass the other Northern Alliance bloggers on the radio, especially now that they're going national on Hugh Hewitt's show. So, it's payback time.
But when does Atomizer get his?
Hmmm. Must be he is impressed by the Warrior Monk's porno-crayon insights and my insult expose, cribbed from other sources. Or maybe with the dead celebrity commentary, exciting travel ideas, biting business analysis, music criticism and news he has come to expect from this site. Plus, let's not forget the sports! (We even have had personal ads, sort of).
I kid, of course. The truth is that he's relieved that after careful and delicate negotiations we agreed not to embarrass the other Northern Alliance bloggers on the radio, especially now that they're going national on Hugh Hewitt's show. So, it's payback time.
But when does Atomizer get his?
Monday, April 12, 2004
EASTER HANGOVER
The three year old has announced that she knows the origin of those treat-filled plastic colored eggs that she found all over the yard yesterday: The Easter Bunny poops them out.
But of course.
But of course.
Saturday, April 10, 2004
SATURDAY HOME COMPANION
The Northern Alliance Radio Network not only continues to broadcast locally (and I do mean locally) today from noon to three on AM 1280 The Patriot, but they're going national next week on Hugh Hewitt's show so that "Peeps" can get his revenge. I'm guessing he might have some inside information about Hugh's past to reveal. Stay tuned...
Oh yeah, and tune in today to hear many of the Northern Alliance of Blogs members (not us), as well as Steve Hayward, author of The Age of Reagan (1 pm) and Myrna Blyth, author of Spin Sisters : How the Women of the Media Sell Unhappiness --- and Liberalism --- to the Women of America (2 pm).
Oh yeah, and tune in today to hear many of the Northern Alliance of Blogs members (not us), as well as Steve Hayward, author of The Age of Reagan (1 pm) and Myrna Blyth, author of Spin Sisters : How the Women of the Media Sell Unhappiness --- and Liberalism --- to the Women of America (2 pm).
Friday, April 09, 2004
TWISTED TITLE #19
This week's demented children's book title:
Where the Wild Things Are: An Inside Look at a Seventh-Grade ClassroomTo see last week's title, click here.
Thursday, April 08, 2004
VOTE FOR MAYOR FOR MAYOR! VOTE FOR MAYOR FOR MAYOR!
Presidential candidate John Kerry yesterday announced a plan to tackle our nation's rising deficits with spending caps (but the caps won't be applied to spending on health care, education, security, and Social Security). Such toughness! Kerry boasted: "When I say a cap on spending, I mean it."
Megan McArdle of Asymmetrical Information is inspired by the magic of such a plan. It exempts, in her estimation, 90% of the Federal budget. She has therefore announced, in homage:
Megan McArdle of Asymmetrical Information is inspired by the magic of such a plan. It exempts, in her estimation, 90% of the Federal budget. She has therefore announced, in homage:
I am halting all new spending except on food, shelter, clothing, and recreation. I will increase spending on those, partially paid for by increasing my employer's taxes, partially paid for by closing my eyes and saying "I do believe in balanced budgets" three times while tapping my heels together and visualising Tinkerbell. Unless, of course, I need to get re-elected to the position of me, in which case, well, hello Mastercard.
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
COME RIDE OUR FRIENDLY CIRCUIT
Since 1995 the Minnesota Supreme Court has updated the old fashioned traveling duties of circuit courts to the modern age by sitting at various local high schools (sorry, registration required).
Unfortunately, our local youth seem less than impressed by the 19th enactment of the spectacle. "I wasn't confused," protested one. "It was just too tedious" ("I am never becoming an accountant," he added). Another made a valiant attempt to embody Minnesota Nice. "Being part of the whole legal procedure is exciting," she said. "Unfortunately, the content of the case is kind of over my head."
Chief Justice Kathleen Blatz explained the rationale for the visit: "The issues we face in Minnesota affect young people as much as adults."
We hope, however, that they aren't yet affected by whether a debtor's IRA can be protected from creditors in a bankruptcy proceeding, one of the issues in the case. The three students quoted in the article were unanimous in their opinion that the creditors "should leave him [the debtor] alone."
Unfortunately, our local youth seem less than impressed by the 19th enactment of the spectacle. "I wasn't confused," protested one. "It was just too tedious" ("I am never becoming an accountant," he added). Another made a valiant attempt to embody Minnesota Nice. "Being part of the whole legal procedure is exciting," she said. "Unfortunately, the content of the case is kind of over my head."
Chief Justice Kathleen Blatz explained the rationale for the visit: "The issues we face in Minnesota affect young people as much as adults."
We hope, however, that they aren't yet affected by whether a debtor's IRA can be protected from creditors in a bankruptcy proceeding, one of the issues in the case. The three students quoted in the article were unanimous in their opinion that the creditors "should leave him [the debtor] alone."
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
LOOK FOR PRESCHOOLERS BEFORE YOU DIG
My three year old just proudly brought me one of those little flags the utility company decorates with to indicate buried gas lines. A new toy! So eye catching.
I've been driving past it for the past two days half wondering what construction hell I was about to endure (beeping, grinding, dust clouds). Now it seems I can add a powerful explosion to the list of potentials unless the gas company is quick with their promised re-flagging of the area.
I've been driving past it for the past two days half wondering what construction hell I was about to endure (beeping, grinding, dust clouds). Now it seems I can add a powerful explosion to the list of potentials unless the gas company is quick with their promised re-flagging of the area.
Monday, April 05, 2004
WELL, HE IS FRENCH AFTER ALL
P.J. O'Rourke confesses he once compared Sen. John Kerry to a male model (credit: Fenster Moop). Not surprisingly, he did not mean this as a compliment (Powerlineblog has a good Cliff Notes version of the article in case you're terribly pressed for time and have a pathological fear of unadulterated Rourkiness).
Fenster Moop confesses he voted for Al Gore in 2000, in part due to a character study painting George W. Bush as a nasty frat boy. He seems to find this new character critique equally persuasive. And more disturbing.
Fenster Moop confesses he voted for Al Gore in 2000, in part due to a character study painting George W. Bush as a nasty frat boy. He seems to find this new character critique equally persuasive. And more disturbing.
Friday, April 02, 2004
PLUS, YOU'LL GET 10 MILES TO THE GALLON!
Congratulations to Will Baude of Crescat Sententia for being admitted to the University of Chicago's law school! A match made in heaven, in our humble opinion.
Although U of C, The Law School, is only ranked number 6 in this year's U.S. News & World Report's listing of the Top 100 Law Schools, we have inside information the newly renovated classrooms will include seats with cup holders. This, and Will's tenure, would no doubt cause the school to skyrocket in next year's rankings.
UPDATE: Unimpressed by the cup holders, Will considers Yale.
Although U of C, The Law School, is only ranked number 6 in this year's U.S. News & World Report's listing of the Top 100 Law Schools, we have inside information the newly renovated classrooms will include seats with cup holders. This, and Will's tenure, would no doubt cause the school to skyrocket in next year's rankings.
UPDATE: Unimpressed by the cup holders, Will considers Yale.
TWISTED TITLE #18
This week's demented children's book title:
Why Winnie the Pooh Wears Brown ShortsTo see last week's title, click here.
