SPITBULL

Q: Why has it been so [... Expletive Deleted ...] cold here this spring/summer? A: Because after years of planning and saving, this April I finally installed central air conditioning.

Q: How will the handoff of sovereignty in Iraq go?
A: It will be an absolute disaster because June 30 is my birthday.

101 Ways to Welcome the Substitute Teacher

(Alternative Title: "101 Uses For Spiders and Snakes")

I'm smitten with him," said Lisa Borinsky, a furniture maker from New Jersey who arrived on Monday evening to sleep in line. "The only true aphrodisiac in this world is power and the man exudes power, which makes him unbelievably attractive.

There was one customer waiting to buy My Life when owner Rona Brinlee opened the Book Mark in Atlantic Beach Tuesday morning. And there was one person at the door when Barnes & Noble on Atlantic Boulevard opened.

"But I think he was waiting for the coffee," said Jennifer Grey, a department manager.

Staci Wyatt, general manager at Books-A-Million on Atlantic Boulevard, said there had been a few sales of My Life that morning, along with a few calls from customers.

"But as far as it flying off the shelves," she said, "it's not. Maybe people are waiting for the reviews."

The occasional guy does show up in class wearing Lycra-ish shorts. When this happens, my mid-American background kicks into gear, and loudly. I look at this guy and think, "Dude! No!" Guys in stretch clothes? Rightly or wrongly -- and I can't seem to help this -- I leap to the conclusion that they're either 1) gay, or 2) from a Mediterranean background.

A conservative political Web log, Powerline, posted the group's ticket categories Friday and opined that it was doubtful "a party that defines itself by hate and anger can command the support of a majority of Americans."

Lighten up, Logeland [fundraiser's chief organizer] said.

"We just decided we wanted to do something a little bit funny," she said. "Rather than traditional sponsors, we'd just try to make it a little more interesting. ... It's a great marketing technique, and I can't tell you how many people have said that it's clever."

Uncle Eddie Will Feel Bad If You Don't Sit On His Lap

"In my search for a vice-president, I considered many qualified men and women," Kerry said, announcing his decision at Boston University. "But one man stood apart from the madding crowd as brave, honest, and full of life. One man displayed a true desire to change America for the better—not through political maneuvering, but through hard work. That man was me, 35 years ago."

Mommy and Daddy Didn't Really Go On Vacation--They're Making You a Ward of the State

My guess is that the Y chromosome of every living man has spent at least one generation in the testis of a warlord

By my estimate, in about 5,000 generations - 125,000 years - male fertility will be roughly 1 percent of what it is now. Mutations in Y chromosomes are already known to reduce male fertility. So I see a slow decline in men's fertility until, eventually, men can no longer breed naturally.

Go To Your Room and Play With Matches

In fact, Monica's behaviour was characteristic of women who seek evidence that they possess an attractiveness to men that the culture tells them dozens of times a day is reserved for the sort of extraordinarily thin women they can never become. Similarly, Clinton's own self-destructive promiscuity can in part be understood as a symptom of the grown man who's never got over being the fat kid seeking affirmation of his desirability.

Despite all this, Clinton did his best - according to Dick Morris and others - to be 'good' during the 1992 presidential campaign and the first two years of his presidency. Perhaps not coincidentally this was the only period during Clinton's presidency when he was eating exactly what he wanted on a regular basis.